What are they doing now?

Christopher Pyne's twitter:

Forgot my plastic comb!

Found one in Mrs Peterson-Smythe's bedside drawer. Between her bible and cigarettes. I'm attending a sing-a-long at the North Adelaide Centre for Demented Aristocrats.

George Brandis' twitter:

Ripped into an Asian shop attendant. Cited the Trade Practices Act. Two spring rolls at $1.50 each. I give her $5. She gives me $1.50 in change!

Told a primary school kid to tuck her shirt in. Cited the Public Nuisance Act. She started crying. Cited the Offensive Behaviour Act. She called for help. Gave her my card and cited the Get Over It Act (LOL).

Helped an old lady across the street. Cited the Good Samaritan Parable. She told me she voted Greens last November. Spat on her bonnet and cited the Self Defence Act.

Over coffee, a friend was sounding out middle names for his new boy. I said how about F--king Legacy Costs and cited the Welfare and Taxation Acts.

Ron Boswell's twitter:

Eating a pie.

And another ... these are good. Though the gravy's burnt my tongue, and some of it has dribbled on my pants, near the fly, which I haven't seen since the 60s (ROTFL).

One more. I can't stop!

I'm in the dunny now. Barnaby just texted me - he wants to know where I am. This kroger's for you old son!

Belinda Neal's twitter:

I'm giving up on this rock melon. The f--king thing broke my knife!

F--k!

Who was the c--t who sold me this piece of sh-t anyway! It's not RIPE!

Mogadon's kicked in. I'm going to watch Oprah now.

Malcolm Fraser's twitter:

I've often wondered about the interior of her majesty's bedroom (innocently, of course). What would her ceiling look like, for example?

Some gutter snipe just swore at my wife! Said she was a "hag" and a "traitor lover".

There really are too many adult book shops in this area (Mornington). They attract the wrong crowd.